Bulldog humour

Winston Churchill's scathing gruffness would have seemed rudeness in many a lesser man, but some stories about Churchill are so funny that the insults they contain have to be overlooked. Nancy Astor, the society hostess and MP, was feeling particularly ill-disposed towards Churchill one day and is supposed to have said: 'Winston, if I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee.' To which Churchill retorted: 'Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.' Bessie Braddock, a formidable and outspoken Labour MP, is reported to have rebuked Churchill for intoxication. 'Winston, you're drunk,' she said, and must have regretted it immediately, for his reply was: 'Bessie, you're ugly. And tomorrow morning I shall be sober.' Churchill crossed swords with the playwright George Bernard Shaw as well. The story goes that Shaw sent Churchill two tickets for the first night of one of his plays with a note saying: 'Bring a friend - if you have one.' Churchill returned the tickets saying he would not be able to attend, but would be grateful for tickets to the second night - 'if there is one.' 1. In the bag Horatio Bottomley, the British journalist and Member of Parliament jailed for fraud in 1922, preserved his wit even in prison. A passing prison visitor, noticing him stitching mailbags, said: 'Ah Bottomley, sewing?' 'No, sir, ' said Bottomley, 'reaping'.