Indian families are blessed with relatives. From “agony aunts” to “cheek pulling uncle”-“Life-Advices” to the most important question “When are you getting married?” we all are flooded with such nosy relatives and have them all. They are a menace that all of us have to deal with, at least once in a lifetime. There are one’s we do not like, there are few we love and just with their mere presence our day brightens up while there are some who don’t really bother us or maybe we don’t bother them at all. But remember they are the ones who make our family unique and our family outings and gatherings more enjoyable and memorable.
Disclaimer: Let it be known that this has nothing to do with my relatives. Those guys are awesome!
#1.The Wannabe Cool Cat
Everyone surely have an uncle in your relation who sends you friend request on all forms of social media. The one posting pictures wearing his latest set of goggles and tagging you all around on facebook. He sends you good morning whatsapps at 6:00 in the morning and make your phone beep all day by some creepy joke or emotional messages. He tries all most everything to enter the ‘cool’ club and act like they are in par with today’s generation.
#2. The Sugars
We all will have an aunt who will pretend she is the sweetest of all. She will not leave until she has pulled your cheeks right off your face. She will usually be the ones kissing every niece or nephew that she can lay their lips.., eyes on, with loud declarations of how much she love you and how much she have missed you while you were away and so on. And once you wipe off the lipstick stains from your cheeks, you’ll have to get ready for a fresh bout of kissing, since the relative will not leave you un-kissed for as long as you’re around.
#3. The ‘Richie-rich’
You always adore these people in your family. They are the ones about whom you flaunt among your friends. They are the one who bring you imported chocolates, from their 6 days 5 night package trip to Singapore. Their jewellery alone could feed 10 homeless kids in a high-end restaurant. While shopping with them, you are roaming around just busy doing window shopping whereas they purchase the whole damn store in. They are one who shells out cash, every time you meet them. Then you do that little non-sense ritual act of “I cannot take the money” before finally pocketing it happily!
#4. The Gossip Store
They will probably bombard you with questions, or give you lectures, or keep on telling about how great he or she was in their younger days. They will inquire about Love life, job, then salary and then increments and the list never ends. They will attempt to tell you every detail imaginable about your other family members. Everything you wear, everything you say and everything you do becomes their source of ‘entertainment’ so just listen and have a ‘HAN JI’ with a sweet-short smile but do not interrupt. The more you interrupt or ask any question, it will instigate him to talk even more.
#5. The Proud Peacocks
They are the species which are commonly found in every family. One who will be annoyed by everything you do for them and contradict with you in every talk. For example- If you’re in a well-paying job, or if you even give out the impression that you are in one, they will make you feel guilty about your hard-earned money. If you’re unemployed, they will walk you through horror tales of how no
body gets a job these days and you’re doomed for life.
#6. The Over-Achievers
They are the perfectionist of your family and by whose name your parents frequently taunt you and ask to look upon them. They are the one who will come to you, usually with a glass of alcohol in hand and ask about your future plans and start giving you career advices by telling their stories when they were at your age and how they achieved success. These people could be one of those annoying cousins who always outshine in whatever they do, meanwhile you are having a formal smile on your face by just listening to them.
#7. The Preacher
They recently gave up drugs and alcohol after the most fun and irresponsible thirty-five years of their life and have given up all their sins and started mediation and yoga. They have become RELIGIOUS, the one who once recommend the latest wine brands to my dad, are now recommending some yoga aasaans for diabetes in the park to a bunch of people.
#8. The Competitors
Just tell them what you bought new this month, you will find the better version of it next time when you visit them. If they give us a chocolate, it would require 10,000 Einsteins and Aristotles to find out what exactly is running in their mind.
#9. The Touching One
Touching feet of elders is a good sign for respect but imagine yourself in a wedding. No matter in how awkward a situation you are – you might be in the process of pouring yourself a drink, for all you know – the moment this relative appears in front of you, you are to dive at their feet. Else bear the caustic barbs for a lifetime. You might have prostrated yourself at their feet all through the occasion, but the only time that you missed by chance, you get one complete tonic of manner less youth who do not respect their elders.
Now count how many you have! 🙂